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Alright, let's get to the news. As I said, over the weekend, Iran launched an all-out attack on Israel, firing up to 300 drones and rockets into the Jewish state. And I'm not talking about Florida. The result? A wound. One. From this point of view, it was much more dangerous to take the New York subway this weekend than to walk around Tel Aviv. Seriously, you're more likely to get hurt trying to grab a burrito from Whoopi Goldberg.
Let's pay homage to the Israeli air defense system, Iron Dome, which is the same nickname we gave to Jesse Watters' head. But now we must give the Iranians their due. It's a feat to send hundreds of projectiles without killing anyone. No one has bombed this much since Jimmy Failla had his own show. When it's preempted by disaster coverage, viewers can't tell the difference.
But all this reminds us that Iran generally prefers to do its dirty work through proxies, filthy organizations like Hamas, Hezbollah and the University of California at Berkeley. But it was an escalation, and every time an enemy nation does something it has never done before, you have to ask yourself why. What changed ? This is certainly not the case with Iran. The mullahs are the same lovely men they have been since 1979. And that's 979, in case you're counting.
So what has changed? Well, America. Namely, a president weaker than Jimmy Carter in 1979. Hell, he's weaker than Jimmy now. Remember the old phrase, speak softly and carry a big stick? Now it's mumbling incoherently and using a walker. On top of that, we have a broken southern border, a shameful retreat in Afghanistan, and a military more concerned with trans people than torpedoes. Our best hope is that our enemies die laughing. If you don't believe me, consider the difference between October 7 and April 13.
The Iranian doctrine has always been to “let the people we supply and train literally have blood on their hands.” [and] we will stay behind like the cowards that we are. Except this Saturday. Sure, Iron Dome works, but hey, Iran couldn't kill a single person. Obama's drone strikes accidentally killed more than that. The lesson is that when Iran has to do the dirty work itself, it doesn't do it. They exploit it. Like when interns deep clean my jacuzzi. So why did they care? Maybe to see if Biden would answer the 3 a.m. call or the 3 p.m. call, or if he would respond to his home health aide trying to wake him up.
Remember Obama's red line when he threatened Syria but did nothing when it crossed? It showed the Middle East that American resolve was gentler than that of Bill Clinton seeing Hillary out of the shower. Now, say what you want about Trump, but one of the things the media hated about him was his unpredictability, which prevented such things from happening. It's funny when academics or the State Department use this strategy, they give it a fancy term like “strategic ambiguity.”
Strategic ambiguity. I guess that applies here. But with Trump, they say it's unstable, irregular. But it's the same thing. Make the enemy wonder what you are capable of and keep him worried. You know, like a good football coach would do. Just ask the friends of Suleimani, the Iranian major general who was a major problem until Trump's airstrike turned him into a carpet stain.
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Do you think anyone in Iran is afraid of Biden's national security team? The team that brought us Afghanistan? Let's see. You have a president who can barely walk, a vice president who can barely talk, a secretary of defense who disappears for weeks. A Secretary of State who looks like he's seen a ghost and a National Security Advisor who looks like that ghost. I haven't seen a less impressive five-piece band since I let that Menudo cover band sleep on my couch. So we are now in the red zone, and Biden's attempt to neutralize the mullahs by burying them under piles of money? It failed. Things change faster than a team of girls swimming with Lia Thomas in their locker room. We're in a dangerous place, and this isn't me talking. Here is FBI Director Chris Wray:
FBI Director Christopher Wray was told by Rep. Mike Garcia, R-Ca., that he didn't trust him. (Julia Nikhinson/Getty Images)
FBI DIRECTOR CHRIS WRAY: Our most immediate concern was that individuals or small groups might draw some kind of twisted inspiration from events in the Middle East to carry out attacks here at home. The possibility of a coordinated attack here at home, similar to the ISIS-K attack we saw in the Russian concert hall just a few weeks ago, is of growing concern.
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It looks serious. Too bad our so-called leaders are not. Formerly the battle of the three letter agencies, the CIA and the FBI against the KGB. Today, the CIA and FBI are more concerned about DEI. And we have a DHS that is MIA at the border. It's time to send an SOS. We've never seemed so weak, and the bad guys see it. And what they see is a president who thought this would work.
PRESIDENT BIDEN: I have one word: no. Don't, don't, don't, don't.
Perhaps this was Joe's reaction when Dr. Jill approached him with an anal thermometer. Now I laugh at the old shit joke. Now, Iran may also seek to tap more into the “Holocaust Goodwill Bank.” By inciting Israel to do something disproportionate to the attack. This is something Iran and other anti-Semites will never forgive Israel for. The fact that 6 million of them were murdered must be part of the Jewish plan for world domination. If this is what Iran is doing, it is also something new.
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And it could normalize more direct attacks on Israel. And while John Kirby blames Trump for all this, the White House is working to enrich Iran by lifting sanctions on oil-selling Iran. **** PayPal would have been much easier, Joe.
So actually, the big day wasn't Saturday, it was Sunday. And every other day after the attack. Please someone explain this to Joe, even if you have to use flash cards.