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Happy Monday everyone. So today, jury selection began in Hunter Biden's gun trial. And as a welcome gift, those selected received a free ten dollar bag. To make sure it's a jury of their peers, they're looking for people who got fake jobs in Ukraine, smoked, did crack in a sensory deprivation tank, had sex sexual with the wife of a deceased family member, while impregnating a stripper. So far, they've found one. Possible witnesses include Beau Biden's widow, Hallie Biden, Hunter Biden's ex-wife, Kathleen, and the Delaware gun store clerk. Or, as Hunter calls it, his dream quartet.
Over the weekend, President Biden was seen biking with Hunter in Delaware. It's part of his new workout program called “Not Dying.”
I had to work hard to get one out of you. I wonder if they'll like it. Mexico has officially elected its first ever female president. I know! Yeah, like you care. Oh, finally a woman. Oh, go ahead, girl. Shut up. Her name is Claudia Sheinbaum. That's right, Claudia Sheinbaum. Do you know the Sheinbaums of Tijuana? You should try their Gefilte fish tacos. But her first task as president? Getting his daughter to marry a doctor. Haha! I don't care if you don't like it. My God, if I did, I would be unhappy.
MEXICAN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE SHEINBAUM, WHO PROMISES TO REDUCE CRIME, FACES HUGE OBSTACLES FROM POWERFUL CARTELS
Today, during testimony on the US response to COVID and its origins, Anthony Fauci said allegations that his influence over the analysis of leaks at the CIA lab constituted a conspiracy. And that makes him look like Jason Bourne. But look, man, no one is confusing Fauci with Jason Bourne. One is a person who kills people with government support and the other is Matt Damon.
Over the weekend, pro-Hamas protesters clashed during a gay pride parade in Philadelphia. Despite their differences, they were both united by their love of suspicious packages. And the official US Navy SEALs Facebook page was mocked for marking the start of Pride Month. But to commemorate this month, with every raid on a compound, a terrorist gets a free makeover. Alright, the saga of Donald J. Trump continues. Really? What did we talk about before him? Apart from me, of course. It's a shame we only have an hour. But have you noticed the reaction to Trump's conviction? It's quieter than my TV during Jesse's show. Of course, there are the usual cases where anything related to Trump is a cause of incontinence.
JOY BEHAR: My reaction was I was at Costco buying, you know, ten cans of Keurig coffee and my watch started buzzing, and I was so excited that I started leaking a little bit.
So Joy Behar gets wet at Costco. And for the first time, they weren't free samples of chocolate-covered lard chips. But apart from Joy and a few has-been actors, where is all the noise? No one dances in the street crying or peeing with joy. The truth is that even some on the left admit that these prosecutions were not judicial. Some recognize that they had gone too far even before the verdict. It's like when you're arguing with your spouse and you make an offhand comment about their meatloaf and you realize, oh shit, I'm in. And they are right. The verdict led to a surge in Trump poll numbers and a massive $200 million increase in donations. 200 million dollars!!
TRUMP VERDICT TRIGGERS DONOR CLASS, LEADING TO MASSIVE FUNDRAISER IN MAY
$200 million? That's more than I earn in a year. It even crashed Trump's donation site, something I haven't seen since I started this GoFundMe page to ban Brian Kilmeade from public parks. Buy a dog if you want to spend time there. In 24 hours, Trump's new TikTok account gained more than 2 million followers, dwarfing the Biden-Harris account which was five months ahead. And to be honest, the bar is low. Hell, even Hillary's left testicle has more followers than Biden-Harris. But the vapid idiots of TikTok are a voting bloc that Biden cannot afford to lose. And after? Biden starting to lose ground among dementia patients? The fact is that Americans can tell the difference between Trump and Biden. One faces a sentence, the other cannot finish it.
Berenson said he would vote for the Democratic nominee over Donald Trump in 2024. (Photo by James Devaney/GC Images | Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)
So how does Trump do it? How does he transform a conviction into an electoral windfall? How does he transform his opponents' energy into power? I call this the eternal cliffhanger theory. With Trump, when one act ends, he triggers another equally exciting one. He's like the orange Harry Potter. And what creates the cliffhangers are those who are obsessed with bringing him down. It's a perpetual motion machine.
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Their attacks can only prepare the ground: what will he do next? And what he does next then creates another cause for attack. Do you think you killed him? No. Here he is in the next chapter to loud applause.