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Join Telegram ChannelA Reddit user who posted a note about his cousin's wedding plans should avoid the event, other users said, while an etiquette expert told Fox News Digital that the couple's plans violated etiquette standards.
The couple had some rather unusual ideas for their wedding, including sending cards to people who weren't invited before the event, user “joyousfoodie” said in a recent post on the site's “r/WeddingShaming” subreddit.
In the post, the woman said her cousin was getting married soon and they were “planning a small garden wedding.”
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“It’s a semi-destination wedding,” she explained, noting that it’s about a five-hour drive away. “They wanted a small wedding with just family and friends for budget reasons.”
Although joyousfoodie is happy with the venue and size of the wedding, there are several aspects of the upcoming wedding that concern her.
A Reddit user says her cousin (not pictured) is planning a small backyard wedding about five hours away from her home. (iStock)
“I just learned that brides and grooms send “cards” to people [who] “They are not invited to say that they are getting married soon and that they are in our hearts on this special day before the wedding,” she wrote.
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“Their excuse is 'curiosity and thinking of them,'” joyousfoodie wrote, “but what I don't understand is why send this before the wedding?”
Additionally, joyousfoodie recently found out that she and other wedding guests would be put to work on the wedding day.
“I got a text from the couple saying ‘everyone has a role to play in helping with the installation.’”
“I got a text from the couple saying 'everyone has a role to play in helping set up. Once the ceremony is over, guests will go take pictures while guests set up tables for the reception.' I was like, 'What?'” joyousfoodie wrote.
The couple, she said, never asked their guests if they would be willing to help and “just dictated” [to] “People know what to do.”
The couple will send cards to people who weren't invited before the wedding, saying they are “in our hearts on this special day,” which one Reddit user found very odd. (iStock)
When joyousfoodie asked the couple for clarification on the fact that guests were expected to spend money on gas and hotels to prepare for the wedding, “they even added that people were okay with that.”
The Reddit user said in her post: “Where is the respect, etiquette and morals? They said they couldn't afford to hire people to move in, but they had almost two years to save up.”
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Instead of saving for their wedding, joyousfoodie said the couple “went on a trip instead.”
On the wedding day, joyousfoodie said, the couple's parents will “run errands for them,” like picking up the cake and flowers.
A woman (not pictured) expressed frustration with her cousin's plans for her upcoming wedding. (iStock)
Additionally, the bride “wants to invite her friends to the bachelorette party; however, some of these friends are not invited to the wedding.”
The woman also wrote in her message: “Wish me luck for this upcoming marriage!”
Fox News Digital has reached out to joyousfoodie for updates or additional comment.
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An etiquette expert told Fox News Digital that the couple's plans violate most social norms regarding weddings.
“The couple's intention in sending this notification may have been sincere. However, it could have been perceived as a lighthearted or indirect compliment,” Rosalinda Randall, a California-based etiquette expert, told Fox News Digital in an interview.
Rosalinda Randall, a California-based etiquette expert, told Fox News Digital that a note sent before a wedding likely wouldn't be well received. (Courtesy of Rosalinda Randall)
It's much more appropriate and respectful to share the news of a marriage after the ceremony is over, she said.
Instead of sending a pre-wedding card, the couple could either post a message on social media announcing the wedding or send a “post-wedding postcard.”
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“They might consider including a note saying something like, 'This was a small affair. We wish we could have shared this day with all of you. Thank you for your well wishes,'” she said.
“In recent years, it seems like asking people to donate money for your wedding, work gear or travel has become more common and acceptable,” Randall said.
“It seems like asking people to donate for your wedding, work equipment or travel is becoming more common and acceptable.” (iStock)
She continued: “I believe people are generous and willing to help. However, if you're seen shopping at designer stores, dining at fine restaurants or getting your high-end car cleaned, I'd find that 'undo send' button ASAP.”
Other Reddit users were shocked by what joyousfoodie shared — and the post was labeled as “cheesy.”
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Many people said they simply wouldn't participate.
“This wedding looks like a disaster that I could personally avoid,” wrote one Reddit user named “trashyinfluencer.”
Trashbinfluencer said it was wrong to expect guests to help with the installation.
Many Reddit users advised the woman not to attend her cousin's wedding. (Tiffany Hagler-Geard/Bloomberg via Getty Images)
“As for the no-invitation wedding announcements (money grabbers?), I literally have no words,” trashbinfluencer said.
User “andronicuspark” said the wedding looked like “a really bad attempt at gift stealing.”
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“I'm so sorry you couldn't make it, I'm thinking of you! (Fingers crossed)” said “andronicuspark”, advising joyousfoodie to skip the event.
“This is when you decide you're sick and you're not going. They are horrible hosts and, frankly, it's disgusting,” user “byteme747” said.
“I would apologize to them. Sorry, not sorry. They've lost their minds. It's as simple as that.”
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Another Reddit user was even more blunt: “The only reason I go to this forum is out of morbid curiosity,” wrote “Obrina98.”
The person added: “Tasteless, tasteless, tasteless!”