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Join Telegram ChannelMelissa Gilbert looks back on the difficult times she experienced as a child.
In a recent interview with People magazine, Gilbert said that living with his neurological disorder was “a really dark and difficult part of my childhood,” especially while filming “Little House on the Prairie.”
“If any of the children were chewing gum, eating, or tapping their nails on the table, [in the on-set schoolroom] “I wanted to run away so badly,” Gilbert told People. “I would turn beet red, my eyes would fill with tears, and I would sit there feeling absolutely miserable and horribly guilty for feeling so much hatred toward all these people, people that I loved.”
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Melissa Gilbert as Laura Elizabeth Ingalls Wilder in a 1975 episode of “Little House on the Prairie.” (Ted Shepherd/NBCU Photo Bank)
It wasn’t until she was an adult that Gilbert discovered there was a name for what she was feeling. She discovered she had a neurological disorder called misophonia, which causes the sufferer to have emotional and physiological reactions to certain sounds and sights.
Gilbert remembers “crying” when she discovered there was a reason for what she was feeling and that she “wasn’t just a bad person.” She now works with the Duke Center for Misophonia and Emotional Regulation at Duke University School of Medicine to raise awareness about the condition.
Melissa Gilbert recalls difficult times during her childhood due to her neurological disorder. (Photo by Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images)
“I actually thought I was being rude. I felt really bad,” she explained. “And guilty, which is a big part of misophonia, the guilt you feel about those fight-or-flight feelings. It’s a really isolating disorder.”
“I would turn as red as a beet, my eyes would fill with tears and I would sit there feeling absolutely miserable and horribly guilty for feeling so much hatred towards all these people, people I loved.”
She explained that her family saw her as someone who “glared” at her loved ones “with eyes full of hate.”
Despite knowing her diagnosis, the “Little House on the Prairie” star struggled to manage the symptoms, noting that her condition worsened as she aged. She recalls feeling increasingly angry during menopause, saying that “when the estrogen leaked out, the anger would creep in” and affect her daily life.
Melissa Gilbert underwent 16 weeks of cognitive behavioral therapy to learn how to manage the symptoms of her misophonia. (Photo by Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images)
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The impact of her condition on her family prompted Gilbert to contact Dr. Zach Rosenthal, director of Duke’s Misophonia Center, for help. He responded by telling her “she was not alone,” after which she enrolled in 16 weeks of “intensive” cognitive behavioral therapy to treat her misophonia.
“It’s an emotional issue. It’s about self-regulation and self-control,” Gilbert said. “I realized I could ride out these waves, but they wouldn’t go away. They’ll never go away. But now I have all these tools that allow me to be more comfortable and less upset. It’s given me a sense of control.”
Gilbert happily told People that her loved ones no longer have to “walk on eggshells” around her and that she gave all of her children a pack of gum for Christmas, letting them know they could safely chew it in front of her without fear of angering her.
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Melissa Gilbert's family can now chew freely around her. (Photo by Bruce Glikas/Bruce Glikas/FilmMagic)
During her therapy, Gilbert was able to identify the different ways misophonia manifests in her body, explaining that one of the first signs she's starting to feel anxiety is that her feet start to clench.
“As soon as I feel that happening, I relax my feet,” she explains. “And once I get control of my feet, for some reason I can do everything else… it’s changed my whole life.”
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